Smithsonian toilets

There were a couple of interesting & educational toilet-related exhibits waiting for me at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History

An historic house from the 1760’s that stood in Ipswich, Massachusetts, was taken apart in 1963 and reassembled in the museum, thanks to a group of concerned residents who didn’t want to see such a beautiful old structure go to waste. A three-part shed was added onto the house in the 1800’s, including this outhouse which remained in use until 1946:


Elsewhere in the museum I spied some more American toilet history in the form of this elaborate ceramic bowl circa 1900:


The graffitied walls of Raven Grill

There were some very inspiring words of wisdom across the two deliciously graffitied washrooms at Washington DC’s Raven Grill:

Stop smiling at my dog and ignoring me, you ass clown

The road to my ❤️ is paved in bourbon, butter and brown sugar

Drink whiskey, love people, hate people – but do it inside

All that matters is love & dick

Any time a woman asks for equality, she be met with violence

Tears make the worst lube

And a stirring tribute to our ancestors, “RIP early humans 💔






Wonderland Ballroom

I think the Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights was the 7th bar that I’d visited on this Friday night so I was starting to get a little tipsy. I’d heard of this venue through a popular online column called Dear John where an reviewer would rank different bars around town based on the quality of their restrooms. This bar had a particularly dirty mirror (-4 points) and an interesting public service announcement (+6 points) that I was quite curious to see.

There was again a lengthy lineup to use one of the three stalls. While I was waiting I had a deep chat to the girl in front of me about how gross it must be to clean these restrooms.




Yeah, the mirror was certainly dirty

And here’s the public service announcement I came to see, ha ha ha!


Red Derby

There were two bars at Red Derby on 14th St NW, the main room on the ground floor and a beer garden upstairs.

One of the two unisex stalls downstairs was out of order (=looong lineup) so I investigated the top floor first and was presented with a nicely decorated wall of celeb posters & photos:


Then I braved the lineup downstairs. It took around 15 minutes to get inside but it was worth the wait! Apologies to anyone behind me who was busting and needed to use the loo for a legit reason.






Lyman’s Tavern is a fun place. On the Friday night I was there I entered a long, thin room packed to the brim with a couple of hundred thirsty locals, many of whom were playing pinball & arcade games at the opposite end of the bar.

The fun stops in the bathroom though:


Pig on the wall at DC Reynolds

A pig on the wall at DC Reynolds along Georgia Ave NW


2 Birds 1 Stone

Two very different themes going on at this downtown DC bar, 2 Birds 1 Stone

First was a bright blue & white leafy texture in the PG room:


Then across the hall was a slightly more M-rated room with some naughty pictures on the wall:



Divas at Duplex Diner

All the divas at Duplex Diner: Whitney, Madonna, Cher, Barbra, Celine, Kylie, Mariah, Beyoncé



Dan’s Cafe

The sketchy as fuck restroom at the infamous Dan’s Cafe, I love this place (and not only cause it’s named after me). For $20 they sell squeeze bottles of whatever pint of alcohol + mixer you like. Bargain.

Some words of wisdom from these toilet walls: “God is blind, God is love, Ray Charles is blind, Ray Charles is God”, “Why cry over parts of life when the whole of it calls for our tears?” and “Maya makes me smile! Maya makes me laugh! Maya makes me complete! ❤️” – followed rather smuttily in different handwriting by “Maya makes me CUMplete”




Spy toilet signs

Some spy-themed WC signs at the International Spy Museum